Empower Special Needs Teens with Appropriate Social Strategies

   

Teenagers with special needs have a whole host of hidden difficulties that aren't often thought about or mentioned. Up until puberty and the growth spurt that comes with it, it was okay for these kids to be cute and lovable. They could hug their family members, classmates, or mostly anyone who was kind to them. Often kids with special needs misread people and think anyone who smiles at them or says a kind word to them is an instant friend. Not only is this not true but can also be dangerous.
     When a person is given a properly administered IQ test and has a score or IQ below 70, s/he is in the bottom 2% of the population. A person with an IQ between 60-70 is on the approximate grade level of a third grade student. A third grade student is 8 or 9 years old. Therefore, a teenage or adult person with the mental age of 7 has scored the same amount of questions correct as a 7 year old first or second grade student.

     Let's talk about seven year old children for a moment.
Socially, seven year old children want recognition for their individual achievements. They are not generally good sports when losing a game or even a sharing a preferred toy. Seven year old children are learning to stand up for their own rights but must be taught boundaries for self advocating. They want to be more independent. They are more critical of themselves and are critical of their own failure. They also become concerned with their own lack of skill and achievement.
     Now let's take the traits of a seven year old and place them in the mind of a teenager with an IQ lower than 70. This teenager may speak clearly, be able to do simple
 math equations well enough to balance a checkbook, and may be able to read on a second grade level. This teenager may look just like his or her same aged peers.
     Up until middle school these teens were expected to be thankful and to express their gratitude. When they were younger it was perfectly acceptable to openly express their appreciation with big smiles and hugs. It was okay to feel safe by holding their caretakers hand. It was okay to sit on well known adults laps. Suddenly their bodies grow and hormones kick in just like their age equivalent peers and "OH NO!"  These same expressions of gratitude are no longer appropriate! Let's keep in mind that people with lower IQ's take longer to learn  to learn skills and proper behaviors than their age equivalent peers. So these skills and behaviors that were learned early on have been habituated and will be very difficult to change. Learned behaviors are not like academic skills that build on to each other, for example learning alphabet sounds, then applying phonics skills to create the basis for reading. Behaviors become habits which are very difficult to undo. Behaviors become deeply ingrained in the person's brain.
   So now, this teenager who was once labelled sweet and affectionate is now labelled weird or perverse, or perhaps even dangerous! The special needs body has grown but their emotional and social growth has remained childlike. Special needs teens often don't know their own strength. their reactions to others is often the same as it was when they were seven years old but now it is isn't adorable or acceptable. Sadly, in reality these teens are victims of circumstance. They are not weird, or perverse, or dangerous. They simply haven't completed their learning on socially appropriate behavior yet.
     

This leaves the special needs teenager and soon to be,  adult in a very vulnerable situation. most people in the world are not trained to see hidden disabilities. If a person is walking and talking and seemingly functioning as "normal", then to the untrained eye, this person is normal. It's an oxymoron of fortuity. Teens who are intellectually disabled  often face teasing, taunts, abuse, and rejection by peers yet because they want to be accepted and have friends these teens think these "bullies" are their friends. They believe that their "friends" aren't laughing at them, they are laughing with them. Again, this is because since birth a smile has been a sense of approval.
     Low intelligence coupled with limited social-emotional skills, lead to special needs teens missing important social cues. An example: Dorothy is an outgoing, kind 16 year old teenager. She is in Honor Society so volunteers her time to help in a self-contained special education classroom in her school . Dorothy helps Christopher in math. He is learning how to balance a checkbook. Christopher writes his first, perfect bank deposit slip. Dorothy gets excited, she smiles at Christopher and touches his shoulder to congratulate him. Christopher gets very excited and misreads Dorothy's cues. Christopher leans in and tries to kiss and hug Dorothy.  Christopher gets reprimanded by his teacher. Dorothy who is embarrassed leaves the room. Again she unknowingly gives the wrong social cues by saying "It's all right Christopher.You did great!"  Later, Christopher sees Dorothy at the playground with her friends. Christopher begins following Dorothy and her friends everywhere. At first Dorothy again gives misguided social cues to Christopher so that she doesn't hurt his feelings. She smiles and tells him to please stop following her. The smile tells Christopher that she likes him even though her words do not make sense. Eventually, Christopher follows Dorothy home, often. Christopher's parents believe he is safely hanging out at the local playground, because he returns home on time. He has been going to the playground his entire life. He is allowed to go alone because he is never a problem and can tell time so he knows when to walk home.They do not expect any problems because Christopher has always been kind to others. One day Dorothy and her parents decide that Christopher may be a threat. They call the police. Christopher now has a police record for stalking when in reality he was only misunderstanding social cues. This story is false but realistically special need teens face these hidden dangers everyday. 
     Another danger that intellectually challenged teens may face is their size and strength. They are not dangerous they just may not realize their own strength.  An example is: Jane, who is an intellectually challenged seventeen year old. Jane has younger siblings who are ages three and six. Jane enjoys being with her siblings. Jane sees her parents playing with her siblings and wants to join in. When mom or dad is present Jane is reminded to be gentle. One day Mom is distracted by the mailman; Jane decides to help by pushing her three year old sister on the swing. Jane pushes too hard and her little sister Jacqueline flies off the swing. Jacqueline is not seriously hurt but Jane feels bad that her sister is crying.  Jane also is worried that she will be in trouble with her mom for pushing the swing because she may only push it when a parent is watching. Again, this example is false.

     It is very important that the special education teacher and team of psychologists, social workers, speech therapists, para-educators, and parents take the time to reteach socially appropriate strategies for the special needs teen. Going back to that seven year old mentality, of not being a good loser and difficulty taking criticism from adults, even constructive criticism, coupled with misreading social cues and not reeducating a special needs teen, is a recipe for disaster. Sadly, the person who is a victim in the end might be the teen who in reality is a gentle soul, with a pure heart, who either never learned socially acceptable responses to visual and verbal cues or is in the process of learning them. It seems unfair that an innocent baby is born with special needs, grows up with a loving heart, only to be the victim of a social misreading that places him or her and another person or persons in jeopardy. Remember please if you are a parent or person working with a special needs teen, the importance and value of teaching and modelling age appropriate behaviors that will keep this good-natured teen safe.   

How Far The World Really Goes

Maybe it's better she never knows
                           How far the world really goes...
Maybe it's better she only sees old...
                  for her belongings to her are purely gold.
Maybe it's better she's never seen Parents who work...
              they wait for the check unlike a crook.
Her parents are home, they're drunk, they                                                                      never cook.
Maybe it's better there's free meals in                                             school,since now she can read.
Maybe it's better her parents can't read...
             She can a little, not enough to be freed.
Her clothes are tattered, rarely clean, 
                                                      ...doesn't matter
The colors are pretty pink, blue, purple,                                                                              ..drabble. 
 Maybe it's better her hair is all knotted ... layers of hairspray to keep lice out ...                                                                              undoubted
More kids means more money. 
                                                 Don't worry honey. Brothers and sisters are built in friends
             Maybe it's better they love to the ends 
Holidays are grand, people give this is 
                                                                normal.
                       Mom and Dad are always cordial.
Thanksgiving turkey...
Christmas rum balls, cheap toys  make                                                                      everyone perky.
Maybe it's better she never knows how far the                                                     world really goes.
Parents, kids, cats, dogs, mice, sleep on the                                                                                 floor,
surrounded by trash, chip bags, beer bottles                                                                            galore. 
Maybe it's better she never knows how far the 
                                                    world really goes.
Life in this podunk town makes fewer foes.
The neighbors' life story is simply the same,
as the little girl next door who isn't yet the one
                                                                   to blame.
So to those who know how far the world goes
            who never would wear tattered clothes,
Think of the children who will be lost forever 
in filth, poor education, poverty, however....
If those who know how far the world goes would take a few minutes to reach out and                                                                                care 
             Perhaps a little girl may someday dare
to reach beyond her podunk town
to find a world so sweet and sound
To learn that going to school was more than                                                               free lunches...
That book or two and that teacher who                                                                                    taught,
Gave her a ticket to see past her zone...
She saw the world...
She came back to help her own.

Starting the School Day Right

    I recently started teaching in a new school. I can only send praise to my predecessor. She was brilliant. Since I began my new assignment in an established classroom, I decided to not make any major changes until August when the new school year begins.  The kids in this classroom already had a routine and a certain way of doing things. Instead of changing what they knew, I decided to change my ways to adapt to them. 
   One of the most outstanding things my predecessor did was to start the students academic day with daily classroom news. First thing every morning after breakfast, my students begin by reading our classroom newspaper. The newspaper highlights what we are learning in school, upcoming events in school, real world news, what's for lunch and more. The newspaper doubles as a point card on the back to track the students behavior. The students bring their newspaper home every night so it is also an easy way to communicate with parents. There is a place for comments on the point card side so if a student does something really well, or something s/he shouldn't have done this can be written on the back side of the newspaper too.
   Now this is where the true genius of the newspaper comes in: There is a joke in it everyday that the students must solve! There is a weekly joke person who's job is to find the daily joke for the newspaper. So now the teacher is linking reading, current events, challenges of the mind...and wait...there is more! The newspaper also has a wordsearch built in! Each day the students are asked to find five words present in the articles of the newspaper! This gives the students more reading power and vocabulary! What more can a teacher ask for than to have a meaningful activity every day to ease the students into their day of learning! So kudos to the teacher before me in this classroom who found a stress free  way of starting the school day right! I sincerely praise your efforts.

A Newspaper sample:

P.S. The names in the sample have been changed for anonymity.

The House of Q's: Easy Crafting: Origami Dresses

The House of Q's: Easy Crafting: Origami Dresses: I have a new addiction and can thank the interwebs for it. This new addiction has prompted me to start another branch of the blog titled &q...

The Trust Parents with a Disabled Child have for Professionals.

     

     Over two decades ago, I joyously became pregnant with my first child. At this time, I was a youngish special education teacher, teaching in a private, residential school for children who were dually diagnosed with intellectual disabilities and emotional disturbance. Despite their disabilities which sometimes caused them to have episodes of impetuosity causing mayhem amongst themselves and others, I adored these children.  They had the most outgoing and endearing personalities. Eventually all who work with these children learn their triggers and physical signs that precede their pernicious moments. We learn tricks of the trade that lessen the incidents of pandemonium. Oddly, it never occurred to me that I could have a disabled child. One would think that since this was my career path I would be fearful of having a disabled child. I however genuinely cared for these children. I saw them as unique individuals who made every day brighter. As Meryl Streep once said, "What makes you different or weird-that's your strength." She is right.
     Since this was a residential setting, I rarely saw the parents. Some of them no longer had parents because they just couldn't handle their child's total uniqueness. Either way, I have to applaud these parents as I do any parent with a disabled child. When one has a disabled child, they are facing new ground of the unknown. Bookstores are filled with books on how to parent normal children. but not much is written on how to care for a disabled child. I can't begin to imagine the numbing fear of giving birth to a child who is disabled. These parents have no choice but to trust the professionals who are working with their children. Giving up that control has to be terrifying. Regardless of the situation parents love their babies. Eventually most parents learn all about their child through the trials and tribulations of raising them. Still, throughout their child's life, they must jump through hoops going to each new professional in their child's life, and again and again explaining all of the things that makes their child meet his or her maximum potential. Doing this again and again takes so much courage and strength. Each time, they are handing their "baby" over to someone they just met. Some parents can't handle this so they make the decision to let go and let those who they perceive as having more knowledge than they do become guardians to their child. Either way, courage and tenacity are involved.

     All parents the fear of letting go. The fear of the first day of daycare, kindergarten, middle school, high school, and college. Imagine if your child can't speak clearly or at all. This magnifies the fear. Imagine too that your child perceives the world slightly differently than it actually is. What does a parent to then? I have a few bits of advice:

1) Keep the communication line between your child' s professionals and yourself open. Have a journal that travels    between home and school. 

2) Make frequent  phone calls. Ask the professional to call  you when  changes in your child are noticed.

3) Listen carefully to your child and their professional. If  you have questions ask them. If you need a second  opinion get one.

4) Don't be a bully. A parent who bullies makes everyone shut down including the child.

 5) Remember the child is at the heart of the matter. The professionals who work with your child dedicate their lives to this profession because they believe in making a difference for you, and your child.

       
       In the end, it's not only the parents with disabled children who have fear for their child. Parenting is difficult. There will be times in every parents life when they have to put their child in an unknown person's capable hands and trust them to give the best advice. Just remember as the parent, you may ask as many questions as you need to to get the right answer for your child. Also, not every professional will have the approach that your child needs, the professional already knows this, it's not a one size fits all world. Fear not getting second opinions. Do what is right for you and your child, while staying in control and thinking through your challenge in a respectful manner. In the end everyone will benefit from your diligence and conviction, especially your child. 

Reading Beyond the Classroom: The Reading Chain Challenge

   

A little over a month ago I left my dream job to begin a new chapter in a similar position in a different state! I spent many sleepless nights trying to decide if this was the right thing to do. I fought myself because my whole life I generally took the road less travelled. This was once again, the road less travelled! I have always looked out for others before myself. I cheered for the underdog because I believe that all people deserve a chance in life no matter what their home circumstances are like. I grew up watching Walt Disney films where the underdog always wins. Now, I was leaving an amazing group of children who usually gave me their best work. Children who followed my every whim. Children who trusted me to take care of them and guide their education. In our short time together, we all became stars. We didn't sit quietly alone in our special education classroom. We emerged during our time together. We were in the newspaper several times and made television news on two stations. How did we do this? We did this by working hard for others and in the process building our own confidence and academic skills. We made memories that last a lifetime. I learned more from these kids than I ever did in any higher education classroom. In the end, I didn't want to be just one more person walking out of their lives. Saying goodbye was hard. As my assistant reminded us, this goodbye was forever. At the time I thought this word "forever" was going to break my heart! 
    My first day in my new position, I was greeted by two amazing paraeducators and a new classroom of children. Beginning a new position in the middle of a school year is an unique challenge. My new students were unsure about me, rightfully so. I of course thought of the children that I left behind. I always say "once my student always my student". I found myself using many of the same techniques that I used in my previous position. Techniques that my former students helped me to hone. In my first month in my new position I have learned so much. I have learned, that just like students, teachers are always learning too. I still have so much to learn. I am grateful for this. I still get excited when learning new skills and techniques. 
    It's been a month. My new students were curious about my former students. They asked lots of questions about them. In this month , I have gradually blended my brand of teaching to my new classroom. We decided to make a reading chain like the one my former students in room 215 have started. Then we decided to challenge the room 215 kids into a reading challenge to see which class can read the most books by the end of the school year! My new students in room 10 kept track of their books read this school year, so we made a reading chain like the one in room 215! The challenge is on! 
   "Forever" isn't forever! Two groups of teens who come from different worlds have come together to compete for the top reading title! The prize, a pizza party for the winning classroom. The real prize: teaching students that reading is fun and is a skill that takes us all beyond the classroom. The goal: to make better readers, one link at a time!

Saying Good-bye is So Very Hard to Do

 

       How do I say good-bye to kids that have been part of my every thought for the past three years? I have become a person in their lives that has not let them down. I have taught them that school is okay. That learning can happen and can even be fun! When we are in class, I think that for a little while we all forget our out of school circumstances. I think that we all have hope for  brighter futures When we are together we work hard to make sense of the Common Core Standards in all of our subjects.We don't bad mouth the Common Core because there are many solid learning objectives in them. Objectives that may open our minds to think deeply and critically. Objectives that will keep the kids talking to each other long after the school day has ended. Isn't this what we want?
     Tonight I am thinking critically and deeply. I didn't expect opportunity to knock mid school year. It's suppose to knock during the summer so there is a clear cut beginning and ending to the school year. Leaving mid school year seems unfair to my students but that's when my opportunity came. The trust that I have built with these students  is partly due to the fact that I am always fair to "my kids". They are my kids! I teach them, I discipline them, I do laundry for them, I feed them, comb their hair, call their parents with good calls and sometimes not so good calls. Their families are my families too. I understand that raising a family is difficult and expensive, and more so if there is only one parent. We all do the best we can.
    So what do I do? Do I answer the door with opportunity knocking? Do I break the news to my kids that they have to finish the year with someone new, causing sadness and anxiety in all of us. Or, do I say no to this opportunity and stay here until June hoping that opportunity comes knocking at my door again. This decision doesn't affect only me, yet the decision is only mine to make.
    Today I handed in my resignation. I had to do it quickly, without thinking too much about it. If I thought too much then I would have been overwhelmed with heartache over leaving a group of terrific kids! Quite honestly I learned more from them than they ever did from me. I have learned to never pass judgement on any of my students or their parents. Their biggest feat of the day is getting themselves to school. Outside of school they are often faced with adult problems and situations that deeply affect them but because they are children they are expected to go with the flow. School is their hope and mine that they can each ultimately find their own way with the skills they have learned in life and in school and run with it.
   Four days left. I have seen signs that "my kids" are anxious with my departure. We have talked a lot about it. They know that I care deeply about them. They know that I expect their full cooperation with their new teacher. I am hoping that technology and the U.S. Postal Service can keep us all in touch for many years to come. I'm hoping that their new teacher and I can connect our classrooms via Skype and do a lesson together. Perhaps all of my kids can make new friends long distance. Isn't technology great?
    Three and a half years ago, I took on a class full of holes and with my students, colleagues, and a few twitter friends made it whole. As I leave, it is my goal to find a way to keep each child in it whole. After I leave, I am no longer their teacher. I can only hope that I was able to plant enough seeds to keep these kids moving forward, beyond their personal circumstances, and to follow their wildest dreams! To the kids in room 215 a piece of my heart will always be with you.