The Trust Parents with a Disabled Child have for Professionals.

     

     Over two decades ago, I joyously became pregnant with my first child. At this time, I was a youngish special education teacher, teaching in a private, residential school for children who were dually diagnosed with intellectual disabilities and emotional disturbance. Despite their disabilities which sometimes caused them to have episodes of impetuosity causing mayhem amongst themselves and others, I adored these children.  They had the most outgoing and endearing personalities. Eventually all who work with these children learn their triggers and physical signs that precede their pernicious moments. We learn tricks of the trade that lessen the incidents of pandemonium. Oddly, it never occurred to me that I could have a disabled child. One would think that since this was my career path I would be fearful of having a disabled child. I however genuinely cared for these children. I saw them as unique individuals who made every day brighter. As Meryl Streep once said, "What makes you different or weird-that's your strength." She is right.
     Since this was a residential setting, I rarely saw the parents. Some of them no longer had parents because they just couldn't handle their child's total uniqueness. Either way, I have to applaud these parents as I do any parent with a disabled child. When one has a disabled child, they are facing new ground of the unknown. Bookstores are filled with books on how to parent normal children. but not much is written on how to care for a disabled child. I can't begin to imagine the numbing fear of giving birth to a child who is disabled. These parents have no choice but to trust the professionals who are working with their children. Giving up that control has to be terrifying. Regardless of the situation parents love their babies. Eventually most parents learn all about their child through the trials and tribulations of raising them. Still, throughout their child's life, they must jump through hoops going to each new professional in their child's life, and again and again explaining all of the things that makes their child meet his or her maximum potential. Doing this again and again takes so much courage and strength. Each time, they are handing their "baby" over to someone they just met. Some parents can't handle this so they make the decision to let go and let those who they perceive as having more knowledge than they do become guardians to their child. Either way, courage and tenacity are involved.

     All parents the fear of letting go. The fear of the first day of daycare, kindergarten, middle school, high school, and college. Imagine if your child can't speak clearly or at all. This magnifies the fear. Imagine too that your child perceives the world slightly differently than it actually is. What does a parent to then? I have a few bits of advice:

1) Keep the communication line between your child' s professionals and yourself open. Have a journal that travels    between home and school. 

2) Make frequent  phone calls. Ask the professional to call  you when  changes in your child are noticed.

3) Listen carefully to your child and their professional. If  you have questions ask them. If you need a second  opinion get one.

4) Don't be a bully. A parent who bullies makes everyone shut down including the child.

 5) Remember the child is at the heart of the matter. The professionals who work with your child dedicate their lives to this profession because they believe in making a difference for you, and your child.

       
       In the end, it's not only the parents with disabled children who have fear for their child. Parenting is difficult. There will be times in every parents life when they have to put their child in an unknown person's capable hands and trust them to give the best advice. Just remember as the parent, you may ask as many questions as you need to to get the right answer for your child. Also, not every professional will have the approach that your child needs, the professional already knows this, it's not a one size fits all world. Fear not getting second opinions. Do what is right for you and your child, while staying in control and thinking through your challenge in a respectful manner. In the end everyone will benefit from your diligence and conviction, especially your child. 

The First Cry is Life Itself..Champion Kids With Hero Parents

   

     The last push and then stillness as a child is born. Anticipation of a hearty cry, a cry that signifies good health and vitality. Not every mother hears a hearty cry from their infant. When this happens, the cry comes from the mother deep from her soul itself due to the despair of broken dreams and helplessness. She knows intuitively that something is not right with her child. That cry whether from the infant or the mother symbolizes that they are one.

   Their are many cries after a delivery. The first cry, usually the infant's followed by it's parents and down the line as each family member and friend meets the child for the first time.  The first cry is life itself. When something goes wrong either during pregnancy or during delivery, parental affection does not end.  A parent's job from the moment of conception or adoption is to be that child's protector and guardian. Heartstrings are quickly attached, so strong that no one can sever them. From that last push to that baby's first cry the mother is bound by eternal love for her child. Healthy or not, that baby is a part of the mother and of course the father too. Parent's want what is best for their child.
        Parent's dream of idyllic children who effortlessly pass through each phase of life, filled with accomplishments and many friends. If you read Facebook or letters included in holiday cards, pages are filled with joy and accolades of how well the children and grandchildren have done and how beautiful they are. Every child is a gift to be cherished.
     However, in reality, at any stage in life, learning issues, illness or accidents can strike.  Then what? Are these children any less accomplished or lovely? Absolutely not. These children become champions who should be marveled for their for their strength, endurance, and tenacity. They are the ones who should be showcased for setting the standards that we should all follow. These kids are the ones with a strong work ethic because each day is a struggle and instead of giving up they forge ahead just to make through another day.  The parents who step up to the plate and stand by their child are heroes.  Having a sick or disabled child takes an enormous amount of energy. The whole world expects the parents to go on as usual when in reality their brains are racing trying to figure out the best way to help their child, while their stomachs churn from anxiety and their hearts are heavy and dark except for the one pink spot that is their child. Their child beats life into their tired hearts. It's a funny thing but no matter what else is happening in the world, when a parent sees their child, love takes over. Love is what makes that parent fight for answers. Love is

what gets the child through every day because s/he knows that at the end of it mom and dad are still going to be there to say "I love you," just like they have every day since that first cry.
   While all disabilities and illnesses test the human spirit, it's the invisible ones that come late in childhood or young adulthood that really test those heartstrings. When mental illnesses like: schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder,anorexia, bulimia, anxiety, depression with or without suicidal idealization...etc. take over the child's brain the heartstrings are really tugged on. Through no fault of their own these seemingly healthy children can become strangers. These hidden illnesses change them in ways that are out of their control. They may hurt themselves, physically or with drugs or alcohol in an attempt to soothe themselves. They may push those closest to them away. They may do things that make absolutely no sense to anybody but themselves. This is where friends and family walk away saying things to parents like, "Stop enabling", "S/he needs to knock it off, "S/he needs to grow-up," or "Let go before your life is ruined."   To these parents I say, "trust your heart and your instincts." Parents are their child's strongest advocate. They know their child better than anyone else. These parents are heroes who never stop believing in their child. They listen to the professionals but still trust their own instincts to get the best services for their child. These parents listen to their kids. These parents know that when their child's behavior changes it's not because the child is bad, it's because something is not right in the child's world. Instead of blaming the child, that parent will once again do the spectacular work that super parents do and find out why that child is behaving this way and will begin a crusade to get the child what s/he needs to bring stability to his/her world again. People forget that parents have known their children since that first cry.
     The first cry is life itself and there will hopefully be thousands more before the last. To all of the parents who advocate for their children through ever tear, this special educator cries "Thank you."


Also, Please check out my web page @ mittaubin.weebly.com
   

Please Rate Me on My IEP's... My Roadmaps to Student Success!

      An Individual Education Plan better known as the IEP is a system, a dashboard if you will, for spelling out where the child is, where s/he should be headed, how s/he is going to get there, how long it will take, and how to tell when the child has arrived where s/he needs to be. The IEP is essentially a measure of accountability for teachers and schools. I like to think of it as a roadmap on how to address the important needs of each student.
      Every year, I get the memo: "Annuals", no matter what date and how many student dates are attached to it, I cringe and whine a little! I'm not sure why I whine because in writing an IEP, I actually become at peace. I cringe because they take me no less than four hours each to write and that's not counting all of the hours of monitoring, testing, gathering data, interviewing students, parents, and other school personnel. 
      So, I've begun the process of writing them for the 2015-2016 school year. I spent both Saturday and Sunday compiling all of my data and writing six IEP's. I should transform my thinking when writing IEP's because they actually do amazing things for the special education teacher writing them! 
       They invite me to take time out of my very busy day, and plan to test each student individually for several hours. What a gift! How often is a teacher allowed that one-on-one time with a student that allows them to really get to know them! I love testing my kids on a personal level because after working with them all year I know what they can do. So as they work their little heats out trying to their best, I sit their silently cheering for them in my head because I know what champions they are! Then the best part is, I get to compare last years scores to this years scores and see all of the progress we have made! Yes WE! Since opening day in September, we have been a team! I used this child's former IEP as a roadmap to plan out what this child needed to learn this year and it worked!!!! Trust me, the moment of knowing what we did as a team work really is as exciting as winning the superbowl or an academy award! It's on a smaller scale and the whole world doesn't know but it sure is equally as exciting! 
     When writing IEP's I take the time to think back on all of the lessons I've made and taught and how they've impacted each individual student! I see the progress that each child has made up close and personal! Until this point, I don't see all of the work that we've done this year! All of the planning! All of the doing!  and...All of the progress!! Trust me, this aha moment is amazing! It's my personal, secret prize, knowing that a job was well done.
    I love writing IEP's because in the hours it takes  to write them, that child unbeknownst to him or her becomes the complete focus of my attention, during those four hours, I think of no one else! Sometimes students don't make the progress that we have hoped, so throughout the year, I tweak my plans for this child and tweak them again and call the parents, and the guidance counselor, and the psychologist in trying to figure out what is going on that is making this child behave the way s/he is which is stopped him/her from making adequate progress. In writing this child's IEP, I put in extra thought to think about the child's skill level, personality, friends, homelife, growth changes, maturity level, and health. Then I write an IEP that I think may benefit this child for the following school year so that s/he makes positive academic gains. 
     This year in writing my IEP's, I had an epiphany of sorts! I realized that I know all twelve of my students very well. I know their favorite colors, their pets names, their favorite foods, their favorite school subjects. I know what's going to make them happy or angry. I know their hopes, dreams, and fears. I sometimes know what they are going to say or do before they do it! I know their reactions to various stimuli! Ask me a question about any of these kids, and I probably know the answer, right down to their favorite song , game, or sports team!
    So, why can't I be rated on their growth according to their IEP's? I use standardized testing to rate their progress in reading and math. I have portfolios of work from years past until now. I have kids in my room who could barely read when they first became my students who are now reading short novels fluently!
     In a sad sense the APPR rating seem laughable to me! 60% of my teacher evaluation comes from being observed twice by my supervisor, 20% comes from state tests, and 20% comes from my districts standardized testing. My first observation is announced. Let me just say, in special education with a mix of students with emotional disturbance, health issues, and intellectual delays, one never knows what a day may bring! Every moment of every day has the potential to change! I of course have a behavior program set in place in my classroom which helps, but it is certainly not a panacea for every situation. I can write the most perfect lesson plan in which all of the students are working, engaged if you will, and then, my one student who likes to upset others may whisper to the sensitive kid next to him, "I heard nobody likes you." Then that kid runs to the back of the room in a puddle on the floor, sobbing uncontrollably, and talking incoherently,  while the other kid stands there with a smirk stating that he did or said nothing wrong"! Trust me, on a daily basis, I try to keep kids
 apart who may bother each other, and I stress the importance of respect and kindness, but even with many rules and behavior plans in place, it only takes a moment to unravel the best made plans. So, does this mean my observation is poor? Should I be rated ineffective?
    Then there are the state tests! Oh my! My kids are several years below grade level but they take the grade level state test. Hard as I try, I can't expect kids who can barely add and subtract to do linear equations and proportions! Do we practice all of the ELA and math standards, absolutely, but this does not mean we will do well on the state tests?  In my dreams, all of my kids do well on their state tests and on my district's standardized testing but in reality, my main goal is to keep their self-esteem high during  difficult testing situations!
    So....my epiphany was, please rate me on my IEP's and on my observations! I'm not really worried about my observations because I do take my time making lesson plans. I do take into account that Christopher might whisper something horrible into Michael's ear! I do have a response for that! So, if I'm observed and my IEP's are read and compared  to last years IEP's you will see that my students overall have made growth! You will see that I not only know my students, but I care about them too. You will see that sound lessons usually do keep kids meaningfully engaged. You will then know that I am a effective teacher, maybe even highly effective! IEP's work and so do the people who write them always with the best interests of their students in mind.