How Far The World Really Goes

Maybe it's better she never knows
                           How far the world really goes...
Maybe it's better she only sees old...
                  for her belongings to her are purely gold.
Maybe it's better she's never seen Parents who work...
              they wait for the check unlike a crook.
Her parents are home, they're drunk, they                                                                      never cook.
Maybe it's better there's free meals in                                             school,since now she can read.
Maybe it's better her parents can't read...
             She can a little, not enough to be freed.
Her clothes are tattered, rarely clean, 
                                                      ...doesn't matter
The colors are pretty pink, blue, purple,                                                                              ..drabble. 
 Maybe it's better her hair is all knotted ... layers of hairspray to keep lice out ...                                                                              undoubted
More kids means more money. 
                                                 Don't worry honey. Brothers and sisters are built in friends
             Maybe it's better they love to the ends 
Holidays are grand, people give this is 
                                                                normal.
                       Mom and Dad are always cordial.
Thanksgiving turkey...
Christmas rum balls, cheap toys  make                                                                      everyone perky.
Maybe it's better she never knows how far the                                                     world really goes.
Parents, kids, cats, dogs, mice, sleep on the                                                                                 floor,
surrounded by trash, chip bags, beer bottles                                                                            galore. 
Maybe it's better she never knows how far the 
                                                    world really goes.
Life in this podunk town makes fewer foes.
The neighbors' life story is simply the same,
as the little girl next door who isn't yet the one
                                                                   to blame.
So to those who know how far the world goes
            who never would wear tattered clothes,
Think of the children who will be lost forever 
in filth, poor education, poverty, however....
If those who know how far the world goes would take a few minutes to reach out and                                                                                care 
             Perhaps a little girl may someday dare
to reach beyond her podunk town
to find a world so sweet and sound
To learn that going to school was more than                                                               free lunches...
That book or two and that teacher who                                                                                    taught,
Gave her a ticket to see past her zone...
She saw the world...
She came back to help her own.

The Trust Parents with a Disabled Child have for Professionals.

     

     Over two decades ago, I joyously became pregnant with my first child. At this time, I was a youngish special education teacher, teaching in a private, residential school for children who were dually diagnosed with intellectual disabilities and emotional disturbance. Despite their disabilities which sometimes caused them to have episodes of impetuosity causing mayhem amongst themselves and others, I adored these children.  They had the most outgoing and endearing personalities. Eventually all who work with these children learn their triggers and physical signs that precede their pernicious moments. We learn tricks of the trade that lessen the incidents of pandemonium. Oddly, it never occurred to me that I could have a disabled child. One would think that since this was my career path I would be fearful of having a disabled child. I however genuinely cared for these children. I saw them as unique individuals who made every day brighter. As Meryl Streep once said, "What makes you different or weird-that's your strength." She is right.
     Since this was a residential setting, I rarely saw the parents. Some of them no longer had parents because they just couldn't handle their child's total uniqueness. Either way, I have to applaud these parents as I do any parent with a disabled child. When one has a disabled child, they are facing new ground of the unknown. Bookstores are filled with books on how to parent normal children. but not much is written on how to care for a disabled child. I can't begin to imagine the numbing fear of giving birth to a child who is disabled. These parents have no choice but to trust the professionals who are working with their children. Giving up that control has to be terrifying. Regardless of the situation parents love their babies. Eventually most parents learn all about their child through the trials and tribulations of raising them. Still, throughout their child's life, they must jump through hoops going to each new professional in their child's life, and again and again explaining all of the things that makes their child meet his or her maximum potential. Doing this again and again takes so much courage and strength. Each time, they are handing their "baby" over to someone they just met. Some parents can't handle this so they make the decision to let go and let those who they perceive as having more knowledge than they do become guardians to their child. Either way, courage and tenacity are involved.

     All parents the fear of letting go. The fear of the first day of daycare, kindergarten, middle school, high school, and college. Imagine if your child can't speak clearly or at all. This magnifies the fear. Imagine too that your child perceives the world slightly differently than it actually is. What does a parent to then? I have a few bits of advice:

1) Keep the communication line between your child' s professionals and yourself open. Have a journal that travels    between home and school. 

2) Make frequent  phone calls. Ask the professional to call  you when  changes in your child are noticed.

3) Listen carefully to your child and their professional. If  you have questions ask them. If you need a second  opinion get one.

4) Don't be a bully. A parent who bullies makes everyone shut down including the child.

 5) Remember the child is at the heart of the matter. The professionals who work with your child dedicate their lives to this profession because they believe in making a difference for you, and your child.

       
       In the end, it's not only the parents with disabled children who have fear for their child. Parenting is difficult. There will be times in every parents life when they have to put their child in an unknown person's capable hands and trust them to give the best advice. Just remember as the parent, you may ask as many questions as you need to to get the right answer for your child. Also, not every professional will have the approach that your child needs, the professional already knows this, it's not a one size fits all world. Fear not getting second opinions. Do what is right for you and your child, while staying in control and thinking through your challenge in a respectful manner. In the end everyone will benefit from your diligence and conviction, especially your child. 

The First Cry is Life Itself..Champion Kids With Hero Parents

   

     The last push and then stillness as a child is born. Anticipation of a hearty cry, a cry that signifies good health and vitality. Not every mother hears a hearty cry from their infant. When this happens, the cry comes from the mother deep from her soul itself due to the despair of broken dreams and helplessness. She knows intuitively that something is not right with her child. That cry whether from the infant or the mother symbolizes that they are one.

   Their are many cries after a delivery. The first cry, usually the infant's followed by it's parents and down the line as each family member and friend meets the child for the first time.  The first cry is life itself. When something goes wrong either during pregnancy or during delivery, parental affection does not end.  A parent's job from the moment of conception or adoption is to be that child's protector and guardian. Heartstrings are quickly attached, so strong that no one can sever them. From that last push to that baby's first cry the mother is bound by eternal love for her child. Healthy or not, that baby is a part of the mother and of course the father too. Parent's want what is best for their child.
        Parent's dream of idyllic children who effortlessly pass through each phase of life, filled with accomplishments and many friends. If you read Facebook or letters included in holiday cards, pages are filled with joy and accolades of how well the children and grandchildren have done and how beautiful they are. Every child is a gift to be cherished.
     However, in reality, at any stage in life, learning issues, illness or accidents can strike.  Then what? Are these children any less accomplished or lovely? Absolutely not. These children become champions who should be marveled for their for their strength, endurance, and tenacity. They are the ones who should be showcased for setting the standards that we should all follow. These kids are the ones with a strong work ethic because each day is a struggle and instead of giving up they forge ahead just to make through another day.  The parents who step up to the plate and stand by their child are heroes.  Having a sick or disabled child takes an enormous amount of energy. The whole world expects the parents to go on as usual when in reality their brains are racing trying to figure out the best way to help their child, while their stomachs churn from anxiety and their hearts are heavy and dark except for the one pink spot that is their child. Their child beats life into their tired hearts. It's a funny thing but no matter what else is happening in the world, when a parent sees their child, love takes over. Love is what makes that parent fight for answers. Love is

what gets the child through every day because s/he knows that at the end of it mom and dad are still going to be there to say "I love you," just like they have every day since that first cry.
   While all disabilities and illnesses test the human spirit, it's the invisible ones that come late in childhood or young adulthood that really test those heartstrings. When mental illnesses like: schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder,anorexia, bulimia, anxiety, depression with or without suicidal idealization...etc. take over the child's brain the heartstrings are really tugged on. Through no fault of their own these seemingly healthy children can become strangers. These hidden illnesses change them in ways that are out of their control. They may hurt themselves, physically or with drugs or alcohol in an attempt to soothe themselves. They may push those closest to them away. They may do things that make absolutely no sense to anybody but themselves. This is where friends and family walk away saying things to parents like, "Stop enabling", "S/he needs to knock it off, "S/he needs to grow-up," or "Let go before your life is ruined."   To these parents I say, "trust your heart and your instincts." Parents are their child's strongest advocate. They know their child better than anyone else. These parents are heroes who never stop believing in their child. They listen to the professionals but still trust their own instincts to get the best services for their child. These parents listen to their kids. These parents know that when their child's behavior changes it's not because the child is bad, it's because something is not right in the child's world. Instead of blaming the child, that parent will once again do the spectacular work that super parents do and find out why that child is behaving this way and will begin a crusade to get the child what s/he needs to bring stability to his/her world again. People forget that parents have known their children since that first cry.
     The first cry is life itself and there will hopefully be thousands more before the last. To all of the parents who advocate for their children through ever tear, this special educator cries "Thank you."


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